yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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