Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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