so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
