As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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