So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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