What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
How does one acquire holy water?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
