God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She's the barista slut.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
