She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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