What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
