sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
