I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
