After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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