OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
