i already hear my dad disowning me
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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