Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
