i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
