I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
