Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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