What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
