Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
