so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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