You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
