Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
