How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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