I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
3pm strippers are depressing
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
That accounts for only three of the penises
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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