I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
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