A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She even gives head with a lisp.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
