That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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