Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
