Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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