I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
