haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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