i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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