he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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