Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Randomize
