he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
