I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
