He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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