On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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