waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
