and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Randomize
