it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
