If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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