i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
