it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
