well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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