I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
