You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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