Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
