he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
