I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
