Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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